Fawning is a trauma reaction where we placate a threatening person in hopes of defusing their aggression. Let’s add this F to our existing list of defensive maneuvers: fight, flee and freeze. Fawning might happen in the moment of violence, if we agree to a bully’s demand to get them to lower their fist, or when we’re accommodating between attacks in hopes of building good will to avoid future wrath. People who have been abused as children often grow up to be adults who avoid conflict through chronic people pleasing. Fawning can be seen at a societal level too. Dominating leaders wield their power to extract fealty. We’re seeing this now in real time. Given our current president’s aggression and vengefulness, elected officials and even nations are collapsing into fawning reactions.

Another option is strength in numbers: Flocking. Politically, we’re seeing this now too. Recently, millions of Americans rallied for democracy. That day, I was visiting a conservative part of the country, so I was more nervous than I am usually when going to a protest. But when I arrived at the rally site in this otherwise conservative small town, I was relieved and delighted to find over a thousand upbeat folks vigorously objecting to the current administration. This month’s celebrations of Juneteenth and LGBTQ Pride are other examples of the buoying experience of flocking. As I marched in Denver’s Pride parade yesterday, I was reminded once again of the power of joyful activism.

You can experience the benefits of flocking in smaller gatherings too—wherever you feel connected and uplifted. Maybe for you it’s singing in a church choir, attending a Friendsgiving dinner, going to a support group, playing on a sports team or cuddling up for a family movie night. Flocking lowers our stress by activating attachment hormones such as oxytocin when we gather, sing, chant and move together. Our nervous systems co-regulate, we are restored and ready to stand up courageously together.